Why Cyclists in Black Are Begging for a Funeral Procession
Look, I love a little black number as much as the next glamazon. It’s slimming. It’s chic. It makes you feel like you’re about to crash either a cocktail party or a spy mission. But there’s a time and a place for everything, and hurtling down a mountain pass at 60km/h on two skinny tires is not the place to be channeling your inner fashion assassin.
Yet, here we are—weekend after weekend—watching cyclists in head-to-toe black, blending into the tarmac like roadkill that’s still making decisions.
Black: The Color of Elegance, Death… and Dumb Decisions
Let’s break it down:
- Little Black Dress: Perfect for a night out, not a morning ride.
- Black Suit: Ideal for weddings or funerals. And let’s be honest, a well-tailored black suit? Devastatingly charming. Think James Bond at a podium.
- Black Bib Shorts: Hell yes…. definitely encouraged. No one wants to see luminous pink across the buttocks during a bunch sprint. Let’s keep the party up top.
- Black Jersey, Helmet, Gloves: You’re not a cyclist. You’re a shadow on wheels.
And here’s the kicker—black is the color most commonly worn at funerals. So if you’re wearing black on a misty morning ride…you might be accidentally dressing for your own.
Let There Be (High-Vis) Light
Colors have visibility ratings, and it turns out, humans aren’t moths—we don’t have night vision.
Here’s how far away drivers can see you, by color:
| Color | Visible from (m) | Best Use |
| Fluoro Yellow | 200–300 m | Gold standard – bright days, dull days, end-of-days. |
| Lime Green | 200–250 m | Friendly and freakishly visible. |
| Bright Orange | 150–200 m | Think traffic cones with pedals. |
| Red | 100–150 m | Decent, but blends into brake lights. |
| Lumo Pink | 100–150 m | Seen and sass. Yes please. |
| Navy Blue | 50–75 m | Okay if you’re a ninja on a trampoline in daylight. |
| Black | 20–30 m (if you’re lucky) | Basically camouflage. Invisibility cloak for idiots. |
On sunny days, you’ve got contrast and shadows to help. But cloudy, foggy, or rainy? Everything fades into grey soup—and guess which color disappears first? Black. Followed closely by dark navy. And no, your carbon bike doesn’t count as “high visibility,” no matter how expensive it was.
Drivers Aren’t Psychic. Or Sober. Or Always Awake.
Now, you might think you’re visible. “I ride in the bike lane!” “I have a tiny blinking light the size of a Tic Tac!”
Here’s what drivers are doing:
- Drinking coffee
- Screaming at kids
- Texting their ex
- Arguing with Google Maps
- Yawning after a night shift
- Blasting music from the 90s (probably still not over Nirvana)
If you’re banking on being noticed, you better show up like a traffic light at a rave.
Smart is the New Sexy
Being visible isn’t nerdy. It’s savvy. It’s strong. It’s Alpha.
You want to live to flex another day, not become a roadside ghost story.
Here’s how to win:
- Go for fluoro jerseys in yellow, green, pink, or orange
- Black shorts, you have 4 yeses
- Reflective strips on socks, gloves, helmet straps? Yes. Always.
- Rainy ride? Wear gear that glows like a neon sign in Vegas
- Night ride? Two lights minimum—front and rear. Bright enough to fry a moth.
Final Word: Don’t Dress Like Asphalt
Black may be flattering, but it’s also flattening—as in, that’s what happens when someone doesn’t see you in time.
If cyclists were as obsessed with visibility as they are with watts, Strava segments, and oat milk lattes, we’d all have fewer near-misses and angry motorists
Next time you reach for your “stealth kit,” ask yourself, “Do I want to look cool, or do I want to stay alive?”
So let’s just say it straight:
Black is for style. High-vis is for survival.
👉 Join the Cadence & Grit crew and stop riding in the dark—literally and figuratively
